Where do Babies Come From?

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Babies come from daddy. The nuts inside daddy's scrotum (the sack below his wee-wee) make millions of microscopic homunculus every day. Each of these homunculus is a microscopic baby.

Sometimes daddy and mommy will play around when you're not there. When they want a baby, daddy will stick his pee-pee in mommy's mouth or in mommy's poo-poo hole. Hee hee, mommy and daddy think this is a lot of fun for some reason. Since mommy and daddy don't get fun toys that's the best thing they can think of doing to play. Gross. They will probably get very mad if you ask them. They like to keep this weird behavior secret, but that's how babies get started.

Sometimes mommy and daddy will watch movies and read books about other mommies and daddies doing this; these are called "adult" items since they are too gross for others to want to watch.

Anyway, after daddy sticks his pee-pee in places he shouldn't, the many homunculus will travel all around inside mommy. If one of them makes it to mommy's tummy then the homunculus will be able to stay and eat the yummy food in mommy's tummy. Usually none make it there, which is why you don't have a new baby every day. Other times two or more will make it, and then you have twins.

For the baby to breathe it makes a small umbilical cord out of things mommy eats and lets this go out either mommy's mouth or poo-poo hole. The baby uses this like a snorkel.

Oral Contraceptives have been invented by scientists to prevent babies from happening if daddy puts his wee-wee in mommy's mouth. There are no anal contraceptives yet to prevent babies from happening if daddy puts his pee-pee elsewhere, all very bad ideas anyway.

After about nine months of the baby eating inside of mommy then mommy has had enough of this and goes into labor. This is very painful. During labor mommy will squeeze the baby through her intestines and finally squeeze it out her poo-poo hole. This is very painful, which God did as a punishment to people for Adam and Eve misbehaving in Eden (Genesis 3:16).

An abortion is when the mommy changes her mind and decides to poop out the baby early. The baby just goes down the toilet. Actually many miscarriages happen this way. A miscarriage is when a baby dies inside the mommy.

If you're using this for a school report and your teacher asks where you learnt this, say it's from the National Institutes of Health. She may then give you a lecture on doing research from the Internet.